Suddenly this feeling and thought is weighing down upon me so much.

I try to not think about it, but negative thoughts cover my head.

Why me?

‘WHY, WHY, WHY!?’What did I do? Did I do something wrong?

And yet I wonder, if not me, then who? I want this feeling to go away, but I know that there are others feeling just as, if not worse than me, what ever their trials may be.

I will never be able to feel 100 % safe and I will not be able to forget about my condition for the rest my life.

Under my light and positive mask, something very dark and black lives.

In order to hide it, I realize that I am trying to wear more a lighter and more positive mask.

No matter how much I suffer and hate, this time will never be gotten back. If I can go back to before I got this illness, I could kill myself right now.

When is this endless, spiral staircase of depression going to end?

Someones said to me; “God gives suffering and challenges to people who can endure and get over it.”

Got gave it to you knowing that only you can get over it.”

If this is so, I hope God does not exist.

People say; “you can get over it”, but what am I supposed to do to get over it?

This is a wall that I cannot simply get over. Rather I’m just trying not to fall down from the wall.

I am not asking anyone for anything. I know that nobody can do anything.

I just have to keep bearing this feeling of huge fear, anxiety and loneliness.

The cycle of positivity and negativity will never end.

Sorry guys that I am bit negative today even though I am usually positive.

The rain will stop eventually and then the sun will come out. It is the refreshing rain that is needed to make things grow.

So please be yourself. Be honest with yourself.

It’s ok to be negative. It’s ok to not be ok sometimes because your opponent is not so easily defeated.

It is consistently changing and challenging us. Lets ride the tides of life, through the ups and downs. 


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