April 3rd is a special day for me.
Let me share the story about April 3rd last year and this year.
April 3rd. Last year.
I was showed the X-ray and doctor told me ‘ Your heart is in a very dangerous situation now.’
Then I was sent to a bigger hospital and went to ICU.
Since that day everything changed completely. The week after, the doctor told me that I will need to have a heart transplant to keep living.
How was I able to accept this situation, which occurred so suddenly?
Since that day, all I could do was just keep surviving each and every day. I became very sensitive to a death and life.
I pretended to be positive in front of my family, Lindsey and my friends, but when I was alone, especially at night, I kept thinking negative things and feeling frightened of my future.
Since that day, I have dreamt many times that I was fine and woke up saying “See! I knew it was all joke!!’ However, I was still on the bed in the hospital. I dreamed that I was wrestling, running and traveling around the world, but these were all just dreams.
Time just flew. I had an ICD implanted in my left chest and LVAD implanted in my heart. At first, I was expecting to leave the hospital after 2 weeks, but it ended up being more than half a year.
April 3rd this year.
I’m sitting on the chair in my house and writing this blog now. The cheery blossoms which looked so grim and sad last year, now look very beautiful. But at the same time, I am a little bit heartbroken this year, I started my new job as a high teacher at a new school as a man who has a heart illness, LVAD and is waiting to have a heart transplant.
The past that you are not allowed to forget, is the past that you want to forget.
The past that you want to forget is, the past that you cannot forget.
I am going to create my own future with my buddy LVAD.
The past has created the present, and the present will create the future.
Big thanks to my dearest Lindsey and my family.